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i wrote most of the following post around 2 weeks ago shortly after the death of my beloved dog milo. only now have i been able to edit it into something i can post. i am still heartbroken and grieving, but i am loved and supported. i have used this website to express the things that are most important to me. and so i wish to make some record of his love here.

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its a full moon tonight. i am heartbroken

i dont want to write. i dont want to think or do anything. but i think i should. it might help maybe. who cares if it helps or not. i dont care. i should try to write anyway.

"life hits like a truck”, “when it rains it pours” etc etc. none of them really feel right. they feel empty or dismissive. when life hits. the full moon is out. i can feel its pull. the lifestream of love that flows around me. the pull of chaos. the blessings. the cruelty.

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my beloved milo died two days ago

i am heartbroken beyond words. i think most people dont understand just how devastated i am. i loved him so so much. he was my best friend. i see no distinction between humans and animals. they are all humanity. milo was my younger brother. i have spent so much of my life with him. he was the most wonderful sibling i could have ever asked for. he was the best friend i could have ever wanted. i love him so so much. now hes gone and i cant cope. i cant process it. i am devastated. there is a gaping hole in the centre of my chest and i dont know what to do. i miss him so much. i love you. i love you. i love you. i will always love you. god it hurts so much. i just want to feel your fur and warmth pressed against me. its not fair. i love you so so much. please come back. please. please. please come back. i miss you. i love you.

i have lost people before. and it hurt. but never like this. it was so sudden. it hurts so much. i didnt even have an opportunity to say goodbye. i just want to touch my forehead against yours, gently scratch you behind the ears. touch my nose against yours. i want to hug you so bad. god it hurts so much. i miss you so much.

his name is milo. he is my baby brother. he is the most beautiful gentle soul.
he had the most difficult start in life. when we rescued him he was about a year old. he had been abused as a puppy, and when we found him he was covered in cuts, cigarrete burns, whip marks, and he was missing chunks of fur. he was so terrified of people that he wouldnt even eat. we had to feed him by hand by placing food in his mouth.
but from a broken, terrified little thing, he grew into a gentle loving angel that blessed the lives of everyone who met him. despite his cruel start in life, he brought nothing but goodness and love into the world.
and he was always there for me.
during one of the most difficult years of my life, where i had almost nothing, i was a junkie, alcoholic, suicidal, insane, having mental breakdowns almost every day. he was there for me. he was my best friend in the whole world. he would comfort me. showed me unconditional love. he was always there for me. when i had almost nothing, he was there for me. he got me through it.

you blessed my life. showed me true unconditional love. i am forever changed because of you and i will carry you inside me forever. i love you so so much.

thank you. my best friend.

i will always love you. you were a true blessing. i will always love you.

i love you

i miss you

i love you

i will always love you