i just released a new track and accompanying music video on youtube:
i dont think you realise just how much you hurt me
(& also on soundcloud)
it feels very good to finally release this. this is a song i wrote & recorded over a year ago (shortly after the release of the SORBET album) and for various reasons hesitated to release it. who i was when i wrote it & who i am now is different. i dont think i have much more to say about it than that for now, but regardless i am happy to share it with the world.
it was my first time making a full music video like this, and i worked very hard on it. & i can safely say that i am very happy with the result. i am proud of it. it is my hope that others may like it too. making music videos is really really fun actually, and i want to do it more. while ive made music visualizers before, making a full video feels very different and is a lot more work. but i think its worth it~ (i will still make more simple track visualisers as well though as i also find that fun too).
while i dont want to give toooo much of my creative process away, most of the effects you can see in the video i actually made by creating frame by frame animated gifs. im sure there are easier ways of creating glitchy effects but making handcrafted animations is a lot more fun and satisfying to me. and its nice to be able to look at my work and know that almost every frame of it was handcrafted to look the way it does. perhaps its silly , as most people who see it will likely not realise and just think its some simple glitchy or bitcrushing effect, therefore maybe its wasted effort, but i dont care. its beautiful to me. & i hope that it maybe gives my work a more authentic& unique visual identity.
the track itself is from a longer project that ive been working on for over a year. it is my hope to release it in full soon. despite my lack of public activity over the past year, the audience for my music seems to be slowly but steadily growing, which i am enormously grateful for. i try not to look at metrics and followers & ratings and stuff too much as thats not the relationship with my art that i want to have, but it is still very nice to know that my music is able to resonate with people. i was surprised to look at bandcamp and see how many followers i have which is more than i was expecting. the last i saw SORBET had around 450 monthly listeners on spotify which is probably small but i dont know, being almost halfway to 1000 feels crazy to me. a friend told me that the SORBET album has over 100 ratings on rateyourmusic and most of them are positive. i find it all very surprising.
it reminds me of how a youtuber i have been a big fan of for many years was quite depressed a while ago due to their lack of popularity. they had been making videos for over 10 years and they averaged around 15-20thousand views a video. which they felt wasnt very much. and while its true that i think they definitely deserve a bigger audience, i was surprised at how today on the internet that is considered a small number. but if you put all those people together, they wouldnt fit in a room. they would fill out a stadium. to have that many people waiting for & watching your creations is a magical thing to me i think.
i never really expected more than 2 or 3 people to listen to my music really, so i truly am grateful for the love & support i receive. it truly is a blessing.