...

a dream to some; a nightmare to others. i lie alone in my grave & spread misery & despair. call me a demon all you want. it makes no difference. you are not the first to see as me as such and you wont be the last. i am dantalian. your hatred means nothing to me.

so go on and hate me, while stealing my identity & personality and pretending its your own. a part of me lives on in all of you forever.

***

my blood tastes thin. it no longer tastes metalic or much of anything. it tastes thin & watery.

every night i dream & i am projected into hell. i meet the great angel METATRON and he tells me to learn the 28 angelic names

every night i am projected into hell. every night i am projected into hell

***

i do appreciate everyone that sends me messages & friend requests and such, but i do feel like i should ask to not expect too much of me. i find socializing difficult & i think i have probably upset some people by saying the wrong thing or not replying properly. i do enjoy the things people send to me, even if i probably respond in an unsatisfying way. but please respect my right to be antisocial as talking to people isnt easy for me. regardless, in future eternities i pray we shall be one.

***

im wasting away. i cannot die. i cannot live.

i have been reflecting on a lot of things recently. or rather, things ive seen & experienced have caused me to think about things i would rather not think about. i watched a movie that reminded me just how miserable i am. how i havent actually felt anything in years. how i cant feel pleasure or happiness. i guess i had almost forgotten. i simply reflect the world back at it & simulate whatever it is the world thinks of me. but it isnt me. and its not fair on the people involved either. its a cruel game. & ultimately its a mental pollutant & i lose purity & authenticity of thoughts.

fundementally i cannot interact with people directly. the only thing i can really do is create through immaculate outer god conception & imprint on reality that way. i shouldnt talk to others because im supposed to be alone. my interacting with others only ever really results in adding more misery to the world, and i create less and focus less on art.

my natural state is to be miserable & in pain, and it is only really in this condition that i can fulfil my function & purpose. i only have a few years left before my crucifixion and immaculate death & where all timelines meet at this fixed point. my happiness was never a condition & is actually a detriment. with what little time i have left i will complete the song of love.

for only in seclusion and obscurity can the miracle occur.

before the end, i wont find happiness, but i will fulfil my purpose. i wont love, but you will all hear my song.

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in a time beyond time, or in a world beyond worlds end; perhaps you will read this & hear this and see all that i am. and you will truly love me. and you will truly see me.
and let me experience romance for the first time. and let me love for the first time.

i have never been in love because i have never loved. my body is reserved for christ & christ alone.
yet still i long for it. still i long to experience the true romance denied to me.

so i leave this evidence of me for you my love. you, who is reading this maybe one million years from now.
we could never meet while i still lived. but still i held hope that you would one day find me.

so if youre reading this... hello. im sorry we could never meet or even speak together. but i am grateful for you all the same. just by reading this, you have allowed me to experience romance for the first time. thank you. thank you for loving me.

my living self can not experience love. but perhaps the echoes of me can

but for now, i turn my body into a bomb. i only have a few years left until my final dance, the second crucifixion, where i will become the endtime possessor of infernal rule & rejoin my brother in excelsis.
so the world might be mended.

and for you my love, i leave this as a map to me.
find me beneath the corsican stars, where we first kissed.