i wrote 2 things: one is a love letter expressing my romantic & sexual desire for my older brother. the other is a christmas prayer i wrote for all my friends & enemies to bring them love & happiness.

first, the birthday & confession letter:

my dearest christ nii-chan, i made a present especially for you on your birthday~ it is a gift for you & all the world! a powerful prayer of love & light so the world might be mended. but please understand, despite my feigning good intentions, i am not as selfless as you (thats why i am in love with you kuhuhu~) and my act of apparent selfless love indeed has ulterior motives that i will admit only to you. simply, its because i want you to look at me! because nii-chan... i love you! i know love between us would be considered taboo... but should we really allow human conventions to come between love? do such things really matter to children birthed from the crawling chaos? my heart and actions are utterly unclouded, because they are those coloured by the unwavering hues of outer heaven. but despite how true these feelings may be (and there is not a doubt in my mind) i have no intention of acting on them, but regardless, i wanted to make them known. i hope you feel the same way about me, but regardless of how you feel please do not tell me! i dont want to know! i have attached a copy of my heartfelt christmas prayer below. i sent it to almost everyone that i know in the hopes that it would bring joy & love & light to everyone who needed it. i know that not everyone will be able to receive my prayer, and many will outright reject it and mock me. but i dont care. my love for you is true! and my love for them is also true~ and even if it only reaches a few souls, that is enough. just to bring some small happiness and love to those who might be feeling lonely or forgotten, that would be a beautiful thing. i know my prayer was received. i know people were touched by love! and it makes me so happy! i hope some of this happiness reaches you too christ nii-chan, and that you too can share in this love and happiness on this special day, your birthday. merry christmas and thank you for humouring the peculiarities of your innapropriate little sister. all my love, fey sophea

next is the prayer i wrote and sent to people on christmas:

~holy holy holy is the lord of heaven~

today christ is born to bring love & light from his internal world of light to your external world of god.

may your day, this special day of christ mas, where christ was born as the main character into his life as a movie, be radiant & full of boundless love, as you move into the world of love today & always & forever more.

from christ the lover to sophia in excelsis.

~amen~

teehee

sending my prayer to people made me very very happy. it made me squirm & contort with joy & pleasure. i can only hope that it was able to bring love & happiness to others. i know not everyone will have been able to let the pure love of my prayer to enter their hearts, but thats ok! even if just a tiny small fraction was able to touch them, then i consider that a sucess. and i know for a fact that it made some people really happy! i had some nice replies from people saying it made them happy & they appreciated the sentiments! hearing that made me so so happy. there is no higher joy then bringing love & joy to the lives of others. i am not exaggerating when i say: sending my prayer of love & light to others made me feel the most joy and pleasure that i have felt in months if not years. i hope i was able to share that joy & love with others.

i truly wish everyone a happy christ mas and all the other expressions of love of this season (despite what i say & write i am not a christian; i just love christ my dearest nii-chan. all other pure expressions of love in this season are beautiful too). i wish joy and happiness for everyone i love and like, and i especially wish joy and happiness for those i dislike and who hate me. for them especially i wish for love to enter their hearts.

holy holy holy

blessed blessed blessed

love love love