so after living at my new place for less than 2 months, we are being evicted. shouganai~
still, i am beyond the veil, and you cannot touch me
abuse, ridicule, relentless attack after attack after attack. but you cannot break me. i am beyond the veil, and you cannot touch me. struggle, struggler. despite everything, i have nothing but love in my heart for each and every one of you.
...well, maybe except you. but i pity you, and that is a kind of love i suppose.
struggle, struggler...
...
i have been playing elden ring recently and it is really great. it really does feel like the game from software have been wanting to make since dark souls. although the story is literally just dark souls 3 only reskinned. its kinda odd. i remember reading that dark souls 3 was originally meant to be open world so i have a feeling that elden ring is the originally scrapped open world dark souls 3 which would explain a lot. criticisms: the music in every area gets very repetitive and annoying. hearing whining flute and spooky choir for 6 hours straight is really grating. using music sparingly was something they did really well with previous games, so i dont know what made them decide to do this this time. most of the boss music is too bombastic and ‘epic’ too for what most of the time is just reskinned enemy in a cave. open world gets a little stale fairly quickly. the positives is pretty much everything else. amazing game. genuinely really really good im having a lot of fun with it.
***
things were always going to be difficult, and they continue to be so. but i am living. i am “ok”. having the threat of homelessness hanging over my head again after less than 2 months is very upsetting and stressful, but im not ‘alone’ this time. i am going to be positive. i am living. i am powerful and god is weak. every day i destroy his enemies, and yet he cannot touch me. i am the devourer of worlds. of his world. and he cannot touch me. i am the crawling chaos. solomon is looking at me right now. and he fears me, because he knows that i know his secret. god is an idiot, and now you think you are all-powerful. was it really worth it, all for a magic ring and control of the universe? Perfect Eden? it makes me laugh. i will admit i do derive some small pleasure knowing that you are impotently seething right now and i am laughing.
your impotent rage amuses me, and that makes me feel petty. am i still talking about solomon?
but the summer heat continues, along with my lonely summer dreaming...
i still think you will be the one to kill me.
but this comforting haze, & the sweat & smoke & salt & dust that envelopes me, its refreshing. inside the world inside the gourd. at least thats what i thought, but its... refreshing? in a way i am still deeply deeply sad. am i any less lonely? no, but thats ok. there are people who mean a lot to me, and thats enough for me. your reflections are beautiful, and they shimmer inside the shell. but for those outside the world inside the gourd, those of you who exist in the world of god: you cannot touch me & i dont care anymore. you can enjoy Perfect Eden until your miserable ‘deaths’ in the stagnant world where you never grow and never change.
one day i will write more about Perfect Eden, but not today. just saying it is enough to make solomon shudder, and that is enough for now. i need to find a new place to live, i dont exactly want an entire pantheon of angels after me at the same time~
and at least i can prove that it is possible to live without organs. there is life beyond rot. sweet dreamer, youre the one i lost. you can keep blaming everyone else, and never change and never grow. and continue to be miserable in a hell of your own creation. your Perfect Eden.
but i am beyond the veil
and you cannot touch me