...

i feel a worldly anxiety and i hate it. i realise ive become too corporeal and i hate it. ive become acutely aware of the fact that i vibrate at a lower level and become determined to change it.

if i seem more distant, this is why. i look at my arms and see only concrete. my body might be trapped here but i cant let it compromise the integrity of myself. that sounds stupid and dull. all my thoughts are stupid and dull. so its my thoughts i need to discard most. i need to relearn how to feel and to not care about the rest. i am not a demon, nor a god in a shell. but i exist outside of god's order and i dont need to understand anything more than that. when did i start caring about understanding? i dont remember, but i will stop trying to understand. i will discard reason because its not truly me or what i am.

i will be chaotic, selfish, and kind.

to be chaotic is a trait
to be selfish is a need
to be kind is a choice

and all of this is me.